Friendships and Expectations

I have so much on my heart today, but to get all the thoughts structured so it’s understandable might prove difficult.

Friendships and expectations. Do they go hand in hand? Can friendships exist without expectations? When you don’t expect anything from your friend, is that not just an acquaintance? There is a saying, if something is free, its not worth anything. So if there is no expectation, is there really a friendship?

There is not a lot of things I hate in life, I don’t bother poisoning myself, but I do hate the term “fake friends”. A friend is never fake. If the person does not live up to your expectation, it doesn’t make them fake, it makes them not your friend, even if you are under the misconception that they were. They may just have other priorities.

Friends and Expectations

A friend of mine has been going through a tough time and said only a handful of people stood by him during this time, so he may not return to SL as he doesn’t see the point. Does this make my friend a “fake friend” to the handful that stood by him, me included? Or are the other 100s who never Im’ed him, are they the “fake friends”? Or was my expectation of our friendship too high and his, too high of the other 100s.

Friendship is, I think, a constant toss up of knowing when to have expectations and when not.  I have been feeling unimportant to another friend and was about to complain about it, when I realized there are also people I was neglecting. I know friendship is not always about what you get back, but maybe I was expecting too much from this friendship and I was just as guilty of not giving as much to other friendships. Complaining would make me a hypocrite but it does mean I need to work harder on friendships that work harder for me, and let those go that don’t.  That almost sound selfish, but why put energy towards something and it’s not going anywhere, while other people put energy towards you and could become your greatest friend.

Regroup, refocus. One thing I have learned and keep learning is, a friend to all is a friend to none and peace begin where expectations end, so focus on those friendships that focus on you and have peace about the other quintessences who where never your friend anyway.

Friends and Expectations

Skin:  [the Skinnery] Runa – (honey)
Hair: TRUTH HAIR Delta –  browns

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5 thoughts on “Friendships and Expectations

  1. luciandais February 27, 2014 / 8:53 pm

    See I use the term ‘fake friends’ especially in-world when you have others who would happily use you to climb the social ladder of Second Life (for those who believe in that kind of thing) and its absolutely ridiculous. I believe friendship and expectation should not go hand in hand, I have been disappointed in linking those two together

    • Lola Ghost-Mielle February 27, 2014 / 8:58 pm

      I have been disappointed over and over too. I just don’t know how to not expect anything.

      • luciandais February 27, 2014 / 9:05 pm

        You are always hopeful and that is good

  2. caoimhelionheart February 28, 2014 / 1:28 am

    I think sometimes we knit people too closely with labels. A person who is a friend to me now may become an acquaintance at a another moment and then a friend again later as we need each other. I don’t think it wrong this way, I think it just the way of a busy life. I have 4 really close and inseparable friends in RL and then we have 2 or 3 fringe gf’s who come and go as they can but I think of them all as friends. Great post Lola. I am sorry about your friends problem. 😦

    • Lola Ghost-Mielle February 28, 2014 / 6:51 am

      You are right Cao, I may have been over thinking this whole thing. I have been alone so long in sl, not letting ppl become friends, that I probably get overwhelmed now that I have. Still sussing this friendship thing!

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